My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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