I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
