Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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