I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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