Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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