Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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