Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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