I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
