I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
