the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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