Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
