can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
