My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
