So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
