Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
