eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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