I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
