i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
