i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
