First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
