What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
