I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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