I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
