dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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