Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize