Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
there is puke in my bra ... again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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