Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
