Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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