Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize