How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
