hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize