NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
