Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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