Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Houston, we have a blender
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
