It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
