um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
