the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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