which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
