She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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