Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
