It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
