I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
