I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
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I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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