If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
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Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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