So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
