the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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