if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
