i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
