Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
