He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
