I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
