woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
