sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
