? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need a beard to bite.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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