3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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