areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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