cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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